The beginning of a relationship is often the best time. Feeling that rush of emotion, finding common interests, and doing fun things together that solidify a path forward together. Endings on the other hand, can be really tough. Sometimes you aren’t sure if you want to end things, so you hang on and try a million things to make things different. Or you might know you should end things, but have tried and don’t seem to be able to make it stick. Other times you feel overwhelmed and not really sure what to do.
1 Comment
“I feel so fat!” This is an all too common refrain, particularly among teen girls and women, when talking about their bodies. In our culture, girls and women are judged upon their appearance and their worth is often implicitly determined by their perceived attractiveness. Girls learn very early on that being fat is bad. A study conducted in 2015 found most girls start dieting by the age of 8. In a culture that places more value on our appearance, rather than the quality of our hearts and minds, and what we are able to accomplish, it isn’t surprising that some 97 percent of women have negative body image.
Most people have experienced the heartbreak of loving someone who just doesn’t love you back. Sometimes it’s complicated by the fact that at one time, they did have feelings for you, and you felt wonderful about the relationship. In other situations, maybe you are great friends, but they just don’t feel the same way about you. Sometimes things just don’t work out and you agree to end things. These are painful realities that can be difficult to accept and make it hard to move forward. The pain of a breakup or end to a relationship can seem unbearable and it can seem impossible to stop feeling that hurt.
A mother was making a special Easter dinner, and her young daughter was helping her out in preparing the big feast. The daughter was in charge of making the salad, while Mom turned her attention to getting the ham into the oven.
One of the top issues that my clients report having is trouble getting a good night’s sleep. Whether it is trouble getting to sleep, staying asleep, going back to sleep, or even sleeping too much, there are a whole lot of people who just don’t feel aren’t getting the restful sleep they need. A good night’s sleep is really important for optimal physical and mental health.
I worked as a sales associate in the children’s department of a big department store when I was in college. For the most part, it was an easy job that gave me a little time to study when the store wasn’t too busy. On some days things were quiet and mothers would shop while their kids sat on little stools in front of the Sesame Street display and watched the show. Other days were a little more hectic and it was on one of those days, a woman came into the store with a wrinkled bag and tossed it down on the counter. She immediately placed her hand on her hip and I noted the scowl on her face.
The beginning of a relationship is an exciting time. Discovering and getting to know each other can lead to developing a deeper connection of a longer term relationship. However, sometimes no matter how much you care about someone, or how much you want things to work out, the relationship just isn’t going anywhere. You may not feel like you are on the same page, or that you don’t seem to be growing together as a couple or as people. While this isn’t an exhaustive list, here are some of the signs that you are in a dead end relationship.
You are at a party with a bunch of friends you haven’t seen in a while. You have been having fun catching up with some folks and head to get yourself an adult beverage and something to eat. That’s when it happens. Your guard is down, you’re relaxed and having a good time, and about to help yourself to some chips and guacamole when you hear the voice from over your shoulder. It’s a friend of a friend from high school, and she says: “Oh! I wish I could be like you and just eat what I want and not care about how I look!” You can almost hear people around you suck in air and tense up waiting for you to respond. You instantaneously feel redness rising in your checks as flaming anger flashes through your body. You were just on the receiving end of a zinger, shot, dig, and felt the cool breeze of shade thrown in your direction.
I spend the majority of my day doing two things: sitting and listening. Turns out most people are like me, as recent research conducted by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) shows that 1 in 4, or 25%, of Americans spend more than 8 hours a day sitting. Across the country as well as internationally, women are more likely to be physically inactive than men. Those numbers demonstrate the need for women in particular to make getting exercise a priority in their busy lives.
I remember the first time I heard the word “diet.” I was about 7 years old. We had just had lunch with my mother and my grandparents at a local sandwich shop. After the meal, my brother and I were treated to “The Big Chipper” -- a humongous chocolate chip cookie. I remember sitting in the back seat of my grandparent’s Chevy Surburban happily enjoying my cookie, as it was pretty rare for us to go out to eat in those days, let alone get dessert. I was chewing away, swinging my feet to the music when all of a sudden I became aware that the adults were talking about me. My mother turned in her seat to look at me and said: “You are going on a diet!”
True confession time. I like to shop. I like to shop a lot, especially online. My husband good-naturedly commiserates with friends and coworkers about the size and amount of boxes from Amazon Prime left out for the recycling bin on a daily basis. I know I’m not alone as the latest statistics indicate nearly 75 percent of people shop online at least once a month. While I’ve been shopping online for years now, the COVID-19 pandemic has only furthered my love of online browsing for all manner of things since everyone’s activities have been limited to slow the spread of the virus. In fact, COVID-19 has resulted in a 6 to 10 percentage points across most product categories. That is a whole lot of shopping -- nationally and internationally as the internet makes buying goods from around the world as easy as clicking a few buttons.
Jenna walked into the coffee shop and saw her friend Amy in the corner, already seated and drinking her usual Grande Mocha Latte. Amy smiled and waved, but Jenna immediately noticed that something seemed a bit off. To most people, it would have seemed that Amy was happy and looking forward to catching up with a friend. Jenna and Amy had been friends since they were in grade school, and Jenna was confused at what it was that seemed amiss about her good friend. As she picked up her coffee at the counter and sat down at the table, she saw a bruise on her left cheek almost expertly covered by makeup. “Hey good to see you! What happened here?” Jenna said pointing to Amy’s face. Amy’s smile crumpled and she said something about an accident. She quickly tried to steer the conversation to Jenna, after all they hadn’t seen each other in a while. Jenna noted that it had been too long since they were able to get together. She had texted her a bunch of times to hang out, but Amy typically said she was busy. Amy had started seeing her boyfriend, Brandon, seven months ago. Jenna noticed that her friend always seemed to have reasons not to see her, which wasn’t like her.
In my clinical practice, I often work with people who are experiencing a crisis. Crisis comes in many forms -- losing your job, a fight with a spouse, a car accident, or a global pandemic. In all different types of crisis situations, which are typically unforeseen, cause significant distress, and require some sort of immediate decision or action, our emotions can be pushed to the limit. It is in these situations that we are faced with making a split second decision, and sometimes we make choices that make the situation worse instead of better.
|
AuthorDr. Kim Guarascio, PhD is a New York State Licensed Psychologist who has been providing treatment for teens, young adults and adults for nearly 20 years in Central New York. The focus of her professional career has been centered on the empowerment of women, particularly those who have experienced trauma and abuse. Archives
November 2023
Categories
All
|