The beginning of a relationship is an exciting time. Discovering and getting to know each other can lead to developing a deeper connection of a longer term relationship. However, sometimes no matter how much you care about someone, or how much you want things to work out, the relationship just isn’t going anywhere. You may not feel like you are on the same page, or that you don’t seem to be growing together as a couple or as people. While this isn’t an exhaustive list, here are some of the signs that you are in a dead end relationship.
So how do you end a dead end relationship? Start with being honest with yourself and accepting the choices you have made in the relationship. Maybe you have been compromising your core values to continue the relationship. Getting clear about the reasons you have stayed in the relationship is important in communicating your reasons for ending it. Be clear about your desire to end the relationship. Use “I statements” (i.e. I’m unhappy with the relationship because we are two different people who want two different things and I want to end it) and don’t blame the other person for the problems in the relationship. This will only lead to defensiveness and conflict. The time to try to work things out has come and gone. It’s likely that you have discussed these issues and had arguments about it time and time again. If you are in a dead end relationship, you’ve likely had the same arguments over and over again with no meaningful changes or resolutions to the issues. Consider writing down what you want to say in advance. You are likely to feel a lot of intense emotions about this conversation, and it can be helpful to come up with a game plan for how to approach difficult situations when you are likely to be flooded with emotions. Don’t email, text, or break up with someone over the phone. At least attempt a face to face conversation, unless you have any concerns about your safety. You may want to talk it over with a therapist or a trusted friend to get some support for yourself because ending relationships can be a really hard thing to do. Just because a conversation is hard to have doesn’t mean it isn’t worth having. Letting go of something that isn’t working clears the way for you to blaze new trails. Have the courage and the faith in yourself to let go what isn’t working in your life and empower yourself to make new choices.
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AuthorDr. Kim Guarascio, PhD is a New York State Licensed Psychologist who has been providing treatment for teens, young adults and adults for nearly 20 years in Central New York. The focus of her professional career has been centered on the empowerment of women, particularly those who have experienced trauma and abuse. Archives
November 2023
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