The beginning of a relationship is often the best time. Feeling that rush of emotion, finding common interests, and doing fun things together that solidify a path forward together. Endings on the other hand, can be really tough. Sometimes you aren’t sure if you want to end things, so you hang on and try a million things to make things different. Or you might know you should end things, but have tried and don’t seem to be able to make it stick. Other times you feel overwhelmed and not really sure what to do.
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Most people have experienced the heartbreak of loving someone who just doesn’t love you back. Sometimes it’s complicated by the fact that at one time, they did have feelings for you, and you felt wonderful about the relationship. In other situations, maybe you are great friends, but they just don’t feel the same way about you. Sometimes things just don’t work out and you agree to end things. These are painful realities that can be difficult to accept and make it hard to move forward. The pain of a breakup or end to a relationship can seem unbearable and it can seem impossible to stop feeling that hurt.
A mother was making a special Easter dinner, and her young daughter was helping her out in preparing the big feast. The daughter was in charge of making the salad, while Mom turned her attention to getting the ham into the oven.
The beginning of a relationship is an exciting time. Discovering and getting to know each other can lead to developing a deeper connection of a longer term relationship. However, sometimes no matter how much you care about someone, or how much you want things to work out, the relationship just isn’t going anywhere. You may not feel like you are on the same page, or that you don’t seem to be growing together as a couple or as people. While this isn’t an exhaustive list, here are some of the signs that you are in a dead end relationship.
You are at a party with a bunch of friends you haven’t seen in a while. You have been having fun catching up with some folks and head to get yourself an adult beverage and something to eat. That’s when it happens. Your guard is down, you’re relaxed and having a good time, and about to help yourself to some chips and guacamole when you hear the voice from over your shoulder. It’s a friend of a friend from high school, and she says: “Oh! I wish I could be like you and just eat what I want and not care about how I look!” You can almost hear people around you suck in air and tense up waiting for you to respond. You instantaneously feel redness rising in your checks as flaming anger flashes through your body. You were just on the receiving end of a zinger, shot, dig, and felt the cool breeze of shade thrown in your direction.
Jenna walked into the coffee shop and saw her friend Amy in the corner, already seated and drinking her usual Grande Mocha Latte. Amy smiled and waved, but Jenna immediately noticed that something seemed a bit off. To most people, it would have seemed that Amy was happy and looking forward to catching up with a friend. Jenna and Amy had been friends since they were in grade school, and Jenna was confused at what it was that seemed amiss about her good friend. As she picked up her coffee at the counter and sat down at the table, she saw a bruise on her left cheek almost expertly covered by makeup. “Hey good to see you! What happened here?” Jenna said pointing to Amy’s face. Amy’s smile crumpled and she said something about an accident. She quickly tried to steer the conversation to Jenna, after all they hadn’t seen each other in a while. Jenna noted that it had been too long since they were able to get together. She had texted her a bunch of times to hang out, but Amy typically said she was busy. Amy had started seeing her boyfriend, Brandon, seven months ago. Jenna noticed that her friend always seemed to have reasons not to see her, which wasn’t like her.
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AuthorDr. Kim Guarascio, PhD is a New York State Licensed Psychologist who has been providing treatment for teens, young adults and adults for nearly 20 years in Central New York. The focus of her professional career has been centered on the empowerment of women, particularly those who have experienced trauma and abuse. Archives
November 2023
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