“I feel so fat!” This is an all too common refrain, particularly among teen girls and women, when talking about their bodies. In our culture, girls and women are judged upon their appearance and their worth is often implicitly determined by their perceived attractiveness. Girls learn very early on that being fat is bad. A study conducted in 2015 found most girls start dieting by the age of 8. In a culture that places more value on our appearance, rather than the quality of our hearts and minds, and what we are able to accomplish, it isn’t surprising that some 97 percent of women have negative body image. The pressure to be thin leads to an overemphasis on shape and weight rather than family, friends, job, or leisure activities. The concerning thought that “I feel fat” is often treated as fact rather than just a thought. This only serves to reinforce the concern she already has with shape and weight. Over the years of treating women with issues related to body image and eating issues, I’ve learned that “I feel fat” has become code for a wide variety of unpleasant emotions or body sensations.
Why is it important to become aware of and change this type of thinking? In addition to reinforcing an unhealthy overemphasis of how much we weigh, what dress size we wear, or how much space we take up in the world, it masks real data our body is sending us. It’s much more effective to identify the underlying feelings and experiences in our body and use them as information to guide us as we interact with the world. Continuing to focus on what the scale says and turning to weight loss as the solution to life’s problems is like the saying: “When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.” It is an empty pursuit that will not lead to the happiness, contentment and life worth living we seek. Mindfulness is key to becoming more aware of when we are using this phrase, and what kinds of situations tend to cue “fat feelings.” First, just notice those moments when you find yourself saying “I feel fat!” Then start to describe what is happening in the moment. Where are you? What are you doing? Is anyone with you or are you alone? Then turn to describing an actual emotion you might be experiencing, such as disgust, fear, shame, bored, lonely, or depressed. How would you describe how you are feeling in your body? Is your chest tight? Is your stomach feeling bloated or maybe full? Being mindful of physical cues in our bodies is one way to understand what you are feeling in that moment. Observing and describing emotions helps are some of the most important tools to have in your emotional toolbox. People who are skilled at recognizing emotions can calm themselves down, adjust when life throws them a curve ball and change their behavior, and manage the complexities of relationships. Mindfulness of your emotions helps you understand the reason behind the emotion, instead of accepting it on face value. It also helps you feel more in control, as awareness of your emotion gives you more options for how to act instead of impulsively reacting. Being more precise about what is triggering or cuing your “I feel fat” thoughts, as well as identifying the underlying emotions connected with it gives you the power. Continuing to reinforce negative thoughts about shape and weight doesn’t lead to fulfillment, it’s a dead end. Invest in yourself and your future by being mindful and accountable for your emotional experience.
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AuthorDr. Kim Guarascio, PhD is a New York State Licensed Psychologist who has been providing treatment for teens, young adults and adults for nearly 20 years in Central New York. The focus of her professional career has been centered on the empowerment of women, particularly those who have experienced trauma and abuse. Archives
November 2023
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