True confession time. I like to shop. I like to shop a lot, especially online. My husband good-naturedly commiserates with friends and coworkers about the size and amount of boxes from Amazon Prime left out for the recycling bin on a daily basis. I know I’m not alone as the latest statistics indicate nearly 75 percent of people shop online at least once a month. While I’ve been shopping online for years now, the COVID-19 pandemic has only furthered my love of online browsing for all manner of things since everyone’s activities have been limited to slow the spread of the virus. In fact, COVID-19 has resulted in a 6 to 10 percentage points across most product categories. That is a whole lot of shopping -- nationally and internationally as the internet makes buying goods from around the world as easy as clicking a few buttons. I noticed a little shift in my emotions when shopping online during the pandemic. Before the virus hit and things shut down, I was an occasional shopper. During the quarantine, while I spent many hours continuing to provide online therapy to my clients attempting to cope with the same unstabilizing changes and fear most were grappling with, I found myself cut off from the typical things that I did to help create a balance between work and professional life. No dinners with family and friends. No more Utica Comets games, and no more sports of any kind. No more Broadway Theatre League as the curtain came down and stages across the country went dark.
At first, I tried to view the quarantine with optimism. Maybe this would be a good time to start that exercise routine and get into shape. There were a million projects around the house that needed to be done, and there was always a queue of Netflix videos to binge watch. But as days turned into weeks turned into months, my emotions shifted. A family trip to Italy was canceled, as well as a trip back home to watch my niece graduate from college. I realized that I had nothing left to look forward to. Nothing on my calendar to help balance the work week. Nothing to bring that spark of joy that helped recharge my batteries and help me cope with the stressors of work. I felt guilty even thinking about this because I knew I was so lucky compared to others who died, were sick, lost their jobs, or were trying to accomplish the impossible task of overseeing their children and their education while still trying to work. So I found myself in my comfy chair browsing the internet and buying a lot of stuff. I noticed that looking for stuff I needed, stuff I didn’t need but liked,and stuff that I might like but wasn’t sure if I needed. It struck me that it was so easy, few taps on the keyboard and like magic it would appear on my porch, sometimes the next day. Then I noticed the feeling of joy upon coming home from work (yes I still went to work because the internet connection is better there) and seeing packages piled up by the door. It gave me a lift to anticipate what was coming in the mail, and when they arrived it was like Christmas morning unpacking, trying things on, using them or seeing where they might go in the house. Becoming aware of those emotions helped me to gain some insight as to what my clients experience when they are struggling with impulsive spending or compulsive shopping. While it is not listed as an addiction in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders (DSM) 5, it appears to share characteristics of other addictive disorders (Black, 2012). Compulsive buying refers to repetitive shopping behavior characterized by excessive preoccupation or poor impulse control, and adverse consequences, like marital conflict and financial problems. According to an article by Dr. Shahram Heshmat in Psychology Today, there are five different aspects of compulsive shopping that parallel the effects of addiction. The first is impulsive purchasing or buying things without thinking that you probably don’t need. This is something I found myself doing a lot during the quarantine months, and the internet sites make it so easy to do. Just point, click, and swipe and it's on its way before you have time to stop and think whether or not it’s something you really need. Second is the buyer’s high that people experience, not because they own it, but because of the process of buying. The searching, comparing, and deciding whether or not to purchase something can be addictive in and of itself due to the feeling of excitement that comes along with it. It is easy to see how online shopping could become the highlight of anyone’s day during the pandemic lockdown. The next parallel between compulsive shopping and addiction is using the power of purchasing to lessen the experience of unpleasant emotions. During a time when there is no short supply of unpleasant emotions, such as fear, grief, loss, disappointment, loneliness, etc., it isn’t surprising that people will turn to activities that provide the opposite of those emotions. Especially when they are intense and of an unknown duration as they have been during the pandemic. This is how a behavior can start out as a distraction or something positive can then lead to an addiction for some. Particularly when someone experiences guilt and remorse following their shopping. Experiencing these difficult emotions can then lead to making more purchases, which only serves to fuel the vicious cycle of shopping to decrease a negative emotional state. Finally, there is the pain associated with paying the bill for purchases. The consequences can range from taking a huge gulp when someone looks at their credit card bill, to bankruptcy and financial ruin. It can also lead to serious problems in relationships due to significant financial stress. One of the main reasons that a behavior such as shopping can so easily slip into an addiction is that using a credit card mentally distances you from the immediate consequences of your behavior. In other words, swiping a credit card insulates you from the pain of paying for your purchases in the moment. Given how quickly debt can accrue under these circumstances, people can get a financial mess before they even realize the true scope of the problem. So what can you do to reign in your impulse to click the “complete order” button? The first step is to determine whether your behavior has become a problem for you. Has it become a source of conflict between you and the people you care about? Has it taken you farther away from your financial or personal goals? Is this behavior consistent with your value system and who you are as a person? If you answer yes to any of these questions, then seeking out a professional to help process these issues and come up with a plan to address the behavior is important. If you are looking to curb your spending behavior, it is helpful to avoid shopping when you are particularly susceptible to your emotions, such as when you are angry, lonely or tired. Observe your emotional state when making a purchase, and take a moment to pause and engage your rational mind before you buy. For example, observing the urge to buy something, then stop to ask yourself: “Do I really need this?” or “Can I afford this?” Also checking in with your values and goals to determine if this purchase is in line with what is really important to you. Are you saving to take a big trip when the COVID crisis has resolved? If so, then you may want to forgo a big purchase so you can save up for this longer term goal. One of the best ways to cut down on impulsive spending is to keep a log of what you purchase and how much you spend. Most people are surprised at how much those day to day impulse purchases can add up. Buying a freshly brewed cup of coffee at a drive thru at $2.10 a cup may not seem like a lot in the moment, but if you bought one every day you would spend $766.50 in a year for coffee. Simply by being mindful of your purchases can result in decreasing spending behavior. It is also helpful to cut down on the number of credit cards you use and pay off the balance on existing cards starting with those that have the highest interest rates. Dealing with your emotions effectively during this difficult time can help put some distance between you and impulsive spending. Make sure you are practicing basic self care, and find some other activities that create that spark of excitement or joy you have been lacking. Given that we are still in the midst of a pandemic, you may have to be creative about how you accomplish this. Making time to have a zoom dinner with friends or going for a drive to see holiday lights and decorations can give you something to look forward to and lessen the pull of shopping as a source of fun or excitement. Empower yourself to end behaviors that are no longer serving you and clear the slate for new things to come.
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AuthorDr. Kim Guarascio, PhD is a New York State Licensed Psychologist who has been providing treatment for teens, young adults and adults for nearly 20 years in Central New York. The focus of her professional career has been centered on the empowerment of women, particularly those who have experienced trauma and abuse. Archives
November 2023
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